Week 2

Hey ladies! Sorry I haven’t been posting much, I’ve been a little busy.

Anyway! I’m happy to report that I lost 5lbs, and I feel awesome! I’ve been trying to eat better, and I’m walking with Reese. She’s totally kicking my butt! By the time we were done last night I could have sworn I’d run a marathon, but it’s alright. She decided to walk faster and add some distance which killed me. And no that wasn’t wa murderous gleam, that was my heart stopping and my going pale at the thought of running at the end of the week. Maybe I can convince her to do a workout with me after walking tonight.

I’ve been eating Healthy Choice Fresh Mixers for lunch lately. They’re actually pretty good. Today I’m having southwestern style chicken with rice. It’s a microwave lunch thing. The pasta/rice and sauce are seperated. You add water to the pasta/rice and nuke it. Then microwave the sauce, mix and enjoy. They are awesome!

Well, I need to get to work around here and finish my lunch.
Everyone is doing awesome, keep up the good work!

Beginning Week 2

Can you believe that we’ve made it through the first week already?! The past couple of days were a struggle to me, but overall I’m pleased with how this past week went.

I did go to Red Lobster with my family on Saturday afternoon. They were absolutely packed and we had to wait over an hour outside in the cold. By the time we finally got seated, we were all starving. When I sat down, my determination to eat something healthy was completely blinded by my hunger. {and the cheese biscuits} I only had 2 cheese biscuits though and didn’t ask for a refill on the bread basket. Usually, I would have. I ordered a shrimp dinner. Shrimp is a good choice if its grilled. Mine, however, wasn’t. I had shrimp scampi, fried shrimp, and shrimp linguine alfredo. That’s my usual there, only I can never eat it all. This time was the exception. I ate every single bit of it. In the back of my mind I was thinking that “I still had 18 WW points left for the day as well as all of my 35 flex points left. I could fit this in and not completely bankrupt my points balance. This was my cheat for the week.” Even though that meal didn’t go as well as I had planned, I was still OK.

Last night, I was invited to go see Twilight again with some friends. Of course I had to go! I’d been at work all day and hadn’t eaten anything. I thought I might gnaw my arm off and didn’t really want to tempt myself with nachos, popcorn, candy and soda. I had some food stored in the fridge at work so I made a quick chicken wrap before heading to the theater. That helped. I wasn’t starving when I got there, but got some popcorn anyway. It wasn’t horrible, but I could’ve done without it.

Most days I had quite a few points left for the day and I didn’t touch my flex points at all until the weekend. I had 6 flex points leftover for the week even after the splurge. And with everything said and done, I lost 6lbs last week! **does the cabbage patch dance** I’m looking forward to this week and hopefully another loss.

Oh, I updated the ticker on my page.

TBL Season Premiere {and how my day went}

Sitting here watching the season premiere of the Biggest Loser, I feel a lump coming up in my throat and tears welling up in my eyes. I’d be bawling, but my boyfriend would make fun of me. {He’s sitting there eating a Butterfinger, btw} Anyway, I hear their stories and watch them weigh in for the first time, and my heart absolutely breaks for them. But I also relate to them too. I’m scared for them, but I’m thrilled for them too. This is the start of a new life. Its an opportunity I wish I had.

I’m glad this new season is starting now, just as we are starting our new venture. Sure its one of those reality shows, but its one with meaning. These people learn how to save themselves from themselves. You see a life changing transformation happening right before your eyes from week to week. It is so inspiring. Not only that, but you can learn a lot about healthier eating and exercise.

I had an OK day today. I woke up late and with a bad migraine. I grabbed a protein shake on the way out the door this morning and was fine with that. I felt nauseous most of the morning because of the headache, but the tylenol started to kick in around noon. Thank God! A friend at work asked me to go to lunch with her. It was mexican. Eek! I didn’t do that bad though… I had some grilled chicken, rice, and a few chips and salsa. I plugged it all into the weight watchers point tracker, afraid that I had overspent my daily budget. I was pleased to find that I still had enough points left for dinner. I wasn’t very hungry this evening though. I had a white turkey frank {no bun} and actually still have a couple of WW points left.

I don’t feel great about what I ate today, but I’m glad I didn’t really overdo it with the mexican food. It wasn’t the best choice, but tomorrow is a new day.

Day 2

Today is going a little better.  I had a grilled cheese sammie (like 2) for lunch and a bottle of water.  Later for a snack I had a couple of bananas and more water.  For dinner, we’re having beef, bell pepper, onion, and broccoli stir-fry with white rice, and yet MORE water.  I had some activity today, if you count cleaning and dancing to my iPod at the same time.  My kids loved it, they acted like complete baffoons!  Ok, we all did *S*! 

I’m thinking of doing some lunges tonight as well, something, anything to work my legs and my booty.

I’m also taking an appetite surpresssant.  Slim Seduction, helps you eat less and boosts your libido!!!  Hmmm, maybe I should put my hubby on it!  LOL

On a side note, my hubby says that he doesn’t mind my weight much or where it’s distributed other than my calves and ankles.  He says I can’t pull off a skirt at all, like most heavier women can.  Kinda hurt my feelings a bit.  Oh well, he won’t be able to complain much longer.

I’ll be checking my weight again next week, then I’ll post it.

Grrr, damn I’m starving!  I had those bananas 3 and a half  hours ago.

Mistaken Identity

I deal with the public on a daily basis and constantly I come into contact with people who have some sort of bad habit or addiction. And often I find myself offended by their vice. I can’t stand the smell of a cigarette or the odor it leaves behind. I’m repulsed by people who have let their teeth rot out of their head because they’re addicted to meth. I can’t stand the stench of alcohol after someone has been drinking for hours on end. And I usually think to myself, why don’t they just stop? Do they not care about themselves and their family enough to just put that down? Don’t they know they’re killing themselves with that stuff?

Then it dawned on me…. I have an addiction too. My addiction is food. And I am slowly killing myself with it. And I wondered if people are repulsed by me because I’m fat. I certainly know that there are people who treat me differently because I’m overweight.

I’ve been on both sides of this. I’ve gained quite a bit of weight over the last two or three years. And I’ve noticed that people did treat me differently when I was smaller. They were kinder to me. They treated me with more respect. They paid attention to me and what I said. Now, I often feel as if people don’t listen to what I say and they often ignore me or treat me poorly. They treat me as if I’m less intelligent and less of a person. And it hurts.

I work with a few girls who are also heavier. A couple of them are much heavier than I am. None of us really look anything alike either. However, the three of us are mistaken for each other all the time. We have different colored hair, different colored eyes, different skin tones, one wears glasses, and we are different heights. One of the girls doesn’t even wear makeup and rarely fixes her hair. I always wear makeup and fix my hair. We look nothing alike. I’ve come to realize that all many people see in any of us is the weight. Not anything else.

I love both of those girls dearly. As a matter of fact, they’re a couple of my closest friends, but I’m tired of being mistaken for them because of my weight. And I want to be treated like a person again, instead of being pushed aside. I want to be me, not just the fat. Correction, I’m GOING to be ME again.

Not too bad……I guess

Ok, so after a horribly fattening lunch at Babe’s Chicken (thanks Reese!), and a cup of coffee from Starbucks (thanks again!), I had a somewhat decent dinner.  My family and I went to Mama’s Pizza in Plano, where they serve an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet at night, along with a salad bar.  After much consideration as to what I have consumed at lunch, I opted for a salad and two, yes! only two, pieces of pizza.  I’m feeling ok about what I ate.  The portion was good, I full but not stuffed.  I actually stopped myself from going for those last 2 homemade cinnamon rolls YAY!

I had a mild epiphany today.  After drinking so much water yesterday and feeling a bit more energy and a lot less cranky, I realize as I sit here that I haven’t had a single drop of water today and I’m feeling a bit blah!  I’m cranky, moody, and surprisingly lathargic.  I never realized how much those diet sodas sapped my energy and affected my mood before.  I do now.  So as I’m typing this, feeling icky, I’m drinking my first bottle of water.  I still have a few hours before bedtime so I just much be able to make up for that.

I also realized today, that soda is a truly disgusting thing to drink, if it’s from a fountain.  Is it only me, or does the soda taste like dirt?  Not that I sit in my backyard eating the stuff. *S*  Therefore, I have decided today, that there will be NO MORE soda for me.  I’ll stick to my filtered water and some Crystal Light, thanks.

I slept surprisingly well last night.  After going to the movies with Reese, eating the better part of a large bag of popcorn and some dirt tasting soda, I came home and had some water.  Who would have thought that just drinking some water before bed would make me sleep better.  I can also report that I haven’t had any headaches either.

So tomorrow I start my food diary, and actually start my diet as well.  I’ll weigh myself in the morning and post it here.  Hopefully, that will make it a bigger accomplishment when I actually lose the weight.  Hopefully, I’ll be a bit more proud of it.  Hmm, definately something to think about!

Oh Goodness!

I can honestly say, I never thought I would be doing this!  Posting on a blog about my over-weight self.  In the last 5 years, I have had 2 children and gained a stunning 80 pounds!  I miss the way that my husband used to look at me when I was thin, and sexy.  Now he looks at other women.  I want to be that sexy woman again.  I want to walk into a room in a sexy outfit and see his eyes pop out of his head.  I want to wear that sexy lingerie again and totally blow his mind.  I want to walk down a street, or hell, from the kitchen to the living room without getting winded, and turn heads like I used too.  But most of all, I want to go to the park with my kids and now feel like the fattest person sitting on a bench, while the other mommys are playing with their kids.

I guess, I’m doing this for me.  I want the self-esteem and confidence I had when I was thinner.  I want to be me again.  I’ve tried a lot of things in the past.  Diet pills, fat flushers, you name it, I’ve done it and its failed….big time. 

I’ve started cutting out soda from my diet!  I’ve have 5 or 6-20 ounce bottles of water today with Crystal Light in it, and I’m so proud of myself.  I used to drink between 8 and 10 cans of soda a day!  So I’m cutting that out and replacing it with water and iced tea.  I’m going to start eating more salads, and healthy stuff. 

I want to lose 50lbs by June and have lost a hopeful 75-80lbs by December.  I’m going to need a LOT of motivation and encouragement to do it, someone(s) to ride my butt like Zorro to get it done, and I know you kind ladies will do that for me.  We can do Yoga, walk, whatever. 

Thanks for bringing me into this.  I’ll try to weigh in with ya’ll weekly, so you guys can help me track my progress. 

I wish everyone the very best of luck!

Tired of It

I’m tired of it! Tired of being fat, that is. And I’m tired of being out of breath all the time. I’m tired of my clothes getting tighter and tighter. I’m tired of buying “that size”.  I’m tired feeling insecure all the time. I’m tired of staying at home because I’m too embarrassed to go out into public.  I’m tired of not wanting to meet new people, and being afraid of running into someone I haven’t see in a while. I’m tired of thinking to myself, “I wonder if I am the biggest person in the room…” I’m tired of being the fat chick. I want to be the hot chick again! I want to be the one who turns heads. I want to look good in cute clothes that are a normal size. I want to be able to exercise, or just walk across the room without getting winded. I want ME back.

So… I’m doing something about it!

I’ve become absolutely obsessed with the show The Biggest Loser, and am amazed by the transformations these contestants make in such a short time. Their success doesn’t come easy though. They put a lot of hard work, determination and sacrifice into it. And I’m willing to do it too. Now if I could only get Jillian Michaels to come and kick my ass into shape!

How am I going to do it, you ask? Well, I’ve got a gym membership that I’m paying $70 a month for that rarely gets used. I think I’ll actually put that to use! Ha! My biggest downfall is what I eat though. I eat bad ya’ll. Real bad. All the time. McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Wendy’s, Burger King, Fazoli’s, ice cream, cheese, you name it. And I eat a lot of it. That’s is coming to an abrupt halt though. NOW. I’ll be eating lean proteins, salads, veggies, and protein shakes. Like the Biggest Loser contestants, I may allow myself one cheat day a week where I can have one meal that’s off plan. That’ll keep me sane and hopefully shock my metabolism a little bit.

The reward will be having my cute body back again; having my boyfriend think I’m hot again; being healthier; and getting my self-confidence back. Oh, and there’s this super awesome trip to Mexico that I’ll be taking with Reece and Melissa in just a few months. We’re gonna be some rockin hot beach babes!